k r i s a n d r o

As I approach the dreaded big 30, the topic of marriage always lurk around corners. There will be friends of similar age who are getting hitched and are waiting for their HDB to be ready within the next few years. There are those who are already married with a kid or even two. And then there is the girlfriend like mine who is just waiting for me to pop the question.

The thing about marriage is…… I don’t believe in it if it’s about love.

I always have big notions about love and relationships and it might seem contradicting to my view above but I think marriage is one of the worst things that can be done for most people in love. It makes leaving each other harder if the love is gone.

“The root cause of divorce is …… marriage” - heard over the radio

In many ways, doesn’t it ring true? A marriage is a contract. If two are in love, why is there a need for a contract to bind them together? If one cheated on the other and decided to stay together because of a contract, is it love? If you know of an old couple who has been married for the last 50 years, would you think that they truly love each other? If you know of an old couple who stayed together for the last 50 years without marriage, wouldn’t you think that the latter couple is DEFINITELY much more in love than the former?

If you love someone, you just do; you don’t need to be legally bound to remind you that you should love him/her do you? Marriage is an administrative procedure that allows a couple to do many things legally but does nothing really good for the relationship in the love department. Some might say the marriage protects the woman. When the relationship turns south, the woman is helped legally in many ways. I say, unless the woman is a money grubbing one, she loses more than she gains from a divorce.

Divorce and the social ramifications that stem from it makes it troublesome and difficult to go through.

My point is that marriage is not the ultimate nor the final thing one can do for love. Marriage and love are mutually exclusive. Love can exist without marriage and marriage can be kept without love.

If you want to know if a person is available, don’t ask if he/she is married. Ask if he/she is in love.

I love KuKuNehNeh, and thus I shall comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, so long as I shall live. Sounds familiar? It’s an adaptation of a version of wedding vows that one will take in Singapore and it’s ALREADY true for me. Note that I love her and thus I am/will do all that follows (comfort, honour, faithful….). If I am already doing all that without marriage, why do I have to marry her, take vows of love, promise of eternal faithfulness and care when it can all end with divorce.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll marry my dear KuKuNehNeh in the not so distant future. In fact, I’ve been constantly thinking of ways to propose to her for the last year and more. I know she’ll say ‘yes’ of course but my motive is to make her cry buckets with the proposal. So why do I want to marry her when I don’t believe in marriage?

I’ll marry her not because I love her. I’ll marry her because of all the advantages that society only gives to those who are legally bound by marriage; kids, housing and all. Sounds shallow doesn’t it? But if you really think into what I said, KuKuNehNeh is a very lucky woman because I love her and already treat her as well as a husband should.

Now, to save up for the money sucking activities that society demands for a piece of paper.

I am alive!

And I’ve been a bad, bad blogger. So bad that you ought to have me on your lap so that you can give me some good spanking. But we both know that you don’t want that to happen so let’s just pass.

Work and life has been keeping me really busy and I really find it hard to update this space of mine. I won’t say ‘sorry’ because I don’t owe you guys any updates and I won’t promise anything because I probably won’t fulfil any as well.

Some PR agencies have probably given up on me as well because I’ve been attending events and have not been sharing my experiences even though I enjoyed most of it. So much for being in the social media scene and not practising what I preach. Even KuKuNehNeh nags at me about those posts.

My health has been really bad for the last 2-3 months and it pretty much killed the biggest event that I was looking forward to for the year. I had to give the Standard Chartered marathon a miss as my fitness level was not up to mark with all the flu and cough that plagued me like no tomorrow. I have however not given up at running my first marathon and I have signed up for next year’s Adidas Sundown marathon for the 21km event to prepare me for the Standard Chartered marathon at the end of 2010.

I am in the midst of stabilizing the priorities in life and deciding on the next big thing. There is something quite unsettling about turning 28 this Christmas and wondering why I haven’t been able to say, “This is what I want to do for the next 30 years.” My laid back personality is probably the cause of this uncertainty and I’d like to think that it’s high time I find what I want to do for the next chapter in my life before I can confidently ask someone to spend the rest of her life with me.

“Good things come to those who wait…”

So… happy waiting for my next blog post!

Meanwhile, catch me on and where I update much more frequently!

I am quite ready for marriage at this point in time and I realize that the only thing that is holding me back is the lack of a big fat account in my bank or a big fat paycheck at the end of every month. I am now running the risk of hitting the big 30 and the losing the chance of marrying my awesome girlfriend that is KuKuNehNeh.

It does worry me as my 2 biggest crippling flaws I have is the inability to save and the ability to procrastinate.

“Why scrimp and save a million dollars and die a millionaire?”

“Why do it today when I can do it tomorrow?”

 

The only times when I go against my innate flaws are when the situation becomes less of me and more of someone else. And in this case, wanting to get married is as much of a want to KKNN as it is to me. As big as her desire to bear Eurasian kids, she has expressed willingness to bear children with me and run the potential of having kids with small eyes, huge eyebags and fat noses. See how wonderful that woman is?

 

And so, I shall move out of my comfort zone and strive to earn enough money to make this marriage happen soon.

Hmmm…. Maybe I’ll start tomorrow…