k r i s a n d r o

I have been hit by the flu bug since last Thursday and I am on the way to recovery except the need to blow out the phlegm through my nose every now and then. With the rise of H1N1 cases in Singapore, there was a slight worry from KuKuNehNeh (KKNN) and myself thinking that we may have fallen prey to the epidemic considering that KKNN had the flu before me and she was at Butter Factory a week shy of the supposed outbreak.

I did feel lousy but my temperature was at a measly 35.9 – 36.1°C throughout the period and that was pretty reassuring even though I did read that a large number of H1N1 patients didn’t experience fever.

KuKuNehNeh and I stayed apart for 2 days since the onset of my flu but she longed to see me and missed me to no end (Hey it’s my blog, I say what I want to say. :p) and so I decided to travel to Ang Mo Kio to let her have a dose of her bf.

With flu, a slight cough and a running nose that is out of my control, the best thing I can think of to be socially responsible is to purchase face masks and wear one for the 1 hr trip down from Jurong West.

Boy! Was it an interesting experience.

Besides the obvious lack of comfort of wearing a 3-ply mask in the disgusting, sweltering heat of Singapore, I had to sniff constantly to prevent drowning myself in my own mucus in the covered mask considering it makes no sense for me to remove the mask and blow my nose in the train cabin right?

The social aspect of wearing a mask was astounding. Despite the fact that most Singaporeans are aware of the H1N1 and it’s spread, not one human being I see on the street is wearing a mask except me. It might be just my mind but I swear people give me 2nd looks upon realizing that I am wearing a mask. I get the feeling that they are probably deducing that I am a carrier or I am extremely afraid of catching the virus.

Upon entering the train at the busy Jurong East MRT platform, I was lucky enough to get a seat and guess what? NOBODY sat to the adjacent seats on my left and right. Do bear in mind that the rest of the seats in my cabin were soon filled up and as far as I can see, so were the seats in the other two cabins adjacent to mine. There are people standing all around as the train moved from station to station and still nobody took the empty seats beside me!

I was practically smirking at situation, half amused at the elbow space I got and half amused at the reactions of the passengers around me. It was only until 4 stations later that a brave (or oblivious) man came in and sat beside me.

Very scary meh?

was asking over in Plurk yesterday for people to tell her something funny and I don’t know why but I immediately thought about this incident I had when I was young. Be warned though. After recounting it, I realize it’s more gross than funny. So if you are having dinner right now, go finish it and have it digested before reading the rest of this entry.

I was about 13-14 years-old back then and I was leaving my friend’s place in my neighbourhood when I realized that I had a tummy ache. Not wanting to go back to his place to borrow the toilet and potentially render his toilet and house hazardous, I attempted to make my way to the lift landing to get down to a coffee shop or my home which was about 10mins walk away.

I barely made my way up the stairs to the floor of the lift when I couldn’t hold it in any more. I’m sure you guys have such moments before. The urge to release is so great that your rectal muscles can do little to hold it in. The release was imminent and hurriedly climbed to the higher floor where it’s quieter and released the contents of my stomach troubles right into my underwear.

Scanning the surroundings quickly for any possible eye witnesses, I quickly removed the terribly stained underwear and it didn’t take long for the devil in me to decide the next course of action.

I left the ‘package’ on the floor and quickly scurried home.

To the residents living at Jurong West Blk 4XX in 1994-1995…. I was young and inconsiderate. I’m sorry.

I suddenly recall with much amusement, a period in my younger years when I was very gullible. Do a little convincing and I would believe that a fairy will visit me if I can fart to the tune of ‘London Bridge is Falling Down’.

It was a Christmas eve that day and my Mum & maid told me and my brother that Santa Claus is visiting that night and the both of us should hang socks on the window in order to receive gifts from the man in red who travels with flying reindeers.

 

I don’t know about the rest of you but I don’t have nice Christmas socks like the ones above and all I have were old, white socks that I wear to school. They were so old that some spots were a little yellow and the rubbers at the top of the socks were loose and over stretched. If Santa were visiting with gifts, why not make full use of the situation; and so I put up the largest, old, smelly sock that I could find on the window grille that night. (I realized later that Santa usually climb down chimneys and since HDBs do not have any, I should have hung the sock near the rubbish chute…)

I woke up the next morning with my white sock groaning with the  weight of sweets and candy and believing that Santa actually came by Jurong West that night.

Oh, the shame.

I wonder if any of you have this problem that I face almost every morning. I struggle to wake up every morning! I lost count on the number of times in my working life when I eventually wake up and look at the time or the sunlight beaming down on my ass go,

“WHAT THE F**K? KRIS! CHEESEPIE LAR YOU!”

And amongst all the vulgarities thrown at myself, I will running around the room like a headless chicken with a stick up its ass. Scrambling for the bathroom for a quick shower. Almost squeezing my facial wash on my toothbrush instead of the toothpaste. Flying out of the bathroom with my delicate bits hanging and realizing that my room window is still open. Leaping into my pants. Making a break for the kitchen to tone, moisturize, style hair (I am a vain pot). Zipping to my wardrobe to find that the shirt I want to wear has 12 buttons too many. Rushing to the living room, dialing Comfort cabs hotline while putting on the socks and shoes and half wishing that I have only one leg that morning so that I can save half the time.

3 bloody buttons on EACH sleeve?

.

All is good if taxi fares are cheap but it costs me $25 to travel from Jurong West to Aljunied.

TWENTY BLOODY FIVE DOLLARS!!!!

I think if Comfort has a membership program, I should be a platinum member by now. I should have a GPS equipped to my hand and every time I raise my hand, every available cab should have my position locked onto their maps.

Some might suggest that I sleep earlier.

I try but I can’t! 24 hrs a day isn’t enough. If I sleep the recommended 8 hrs a day, I would be theoratically sleeping 1/3 of my life away! And besides, I am at my creative best around midnight.

Some might suggest that I have more alarm clocks.

My phone has 3 alarms set each day at 10 min intervals and a separate alarm clock that has an irritating rooster sound that makes people want to visit KFC more to annihilate the species forever. I even purposely put my phone and the clock out of reach so that I have to actually get up to switch my alarms off.

What happens? I would actually switch off all the alarms and go back to sleep each and every time. In many instances, I cannot even remember DOING THAT!

How ah? HOW AH?