Rules You All Should Know When Taking the MRT
Having a regular job now means that I am again subjecting myself to the rush hour where Singaporeans and foreigners come together and rear the ugly side of humanity. I am no angel but I think I might be be given an associate membership into the hall of saints when compared to the kinds of people I see on the train.
Without further a due, I present to you Krisandro’s list of MRT Rules.
1. When on the escalator during rush hour, either keep left or you follow the rushing passengers on the right. Don’t stall the fast lane and tempt me to grab your legs and throw you over the side.
2. When SMRT says they are increasing the number of train trips, it doesn’t mean that you can wake up later. And please don’t look at the screens telling you how long the next train is going to arrive if you have high blood pressure.
.
3. If you want to get into the train cabin and you do not let the passengers in the train cabin out first, you deserve to be knocked down by a smelly, sweaty, giant man with huge man-boobs.
4. If you do not move to the center of the train, you deserve to be sodomized by a horny blue whale and wear a tag so that we understand your plight that you cannot move around much.
5. If you will not give up your seat to a pregnant lady or a senior citizen, have the courage to at least PRETEND that you are fast asleep. Stop looking at the lady’s stomach and mentally weighing it against your beer belly and deciding who has the heavier load.
6. The vertical poles in the train cabins are for passengers to hold onto with their hands. If you lean on them with your whole body, I might need to separate your left butt cheek from your right to secure a holding spot and I do not have that much Dettol to cleanse my hand afterwards.
7. If you are blasting your choice of music through your phone speakers, please make sure that your taste in music is at least accepted by 70% of the people who are within earshot. If you are not sure how you can figure that out, please purchase a device called “ear-phones”.
8. The fare you pay for travelling on the MRT entailed you to a limited space. If you need space to hold a copy of The Straits Times fully opened in front of you during peak hours, consider buying an EZ-Link card for the newspaper as well.
9. If you fart or burp in a an MRT cabin, have the courtesy to say ‘excuse me’. If you think people will get angry over it, have the habit of laughing like a hyena as soon as you fart. I can assure you that it will be more amusing than anything.
10. Do not scold me if the train is packed and I am poking your butt from behind. The one who you should scold is the one who is poking my butt. Don’t ask me to push back as well because it will seem as though I am reciprocating.
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Someone I am following on twitter also rightly pointed out that,
“Why is it called the RUSH HOUR, when everything SLOWS to a CRAWL?“
(Please claim your twit as I forgot who said it..)
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June 1st, 2008 at 10:40 pm
[...] has just written a blog post sharing his ten rules to taking the MRT. It is hilarious reading. However, I believe he has missed a very important rule. I shall now add [...]
June 1st, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Today at Dhoby Ghaut MRT. I was trying to alight but 2 men was blocking the entrance before the doors open…
When the doors opened, I “WAH LAO”ed and barged my way through… =)
Waffles last blog post..Gong Gong’s Birthday
June 1st, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Walau the reciprocating part. LOL!!!
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:21 am
WAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hilarious!!
KRISANDRO is BACK!!!
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:21 am
Wa lao…
Real life must be this whacky also ma…
Curry Chicken LOL
Where’s V Tay?!
molemoles last blog post..Tag TAG Tag
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:35 am
Hahahhaa… Damn you, i am laughing out loud in the office.. image lost liao.. :p
Jaschocolates last blog post..International Museum Day 2008
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:29 am
“… it will seem as though I am reciprocating.”
LOL!!!! BUahahahahaha…..
JayWalks last blog post..Pedra Branca 2012
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:21 pm
oh yah, i cant agree no more. I hate rush hours and i am lucky that i work in a place that is so ulu that i go against the traffic to and fro from home.
MsSheepys last blog post..Passage to death?
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Kris, I understand your pain.
Last thursday I missed 2 trains just because I could not board the SUPER LATE AND VERY CROWDED train.
@#$%^&*()!
winxps last blog post..measurements?
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Waffle> You must barge into ppl selectively… dun barge into boobs and kena arrested for molest
ignorantsoup> oh yes… and i really got poked once at the mrt which inspired tt thought.. AHAHAHAHAA
claudia> yesh yesh!
molemole> reallife how to bring horny blue whale to help me? And VTay must b resting.. cuz she TAG about 5 days worth on both of our blogs
Jaschocolate> AH HAH! Surfing unrelated sites during work!
JayWalk> Yah… best one for the last.. LOL
MsSheepy> How ulu is ulu? Circle Line? hehehehee
Winxp> Ya lor… i still dunno where the extra trips they promised went to sometimes
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Welcome to our ‘first class’ transport…
how about trying the buses during peak hour? I’m sure u will have more to blog about.. haha
Oh yah i wanna add something.. there is also something call handle grip or balance urself properly.. hate it when some ppl try to balance themselves by touching the roof.. smelly armpits loh!!
Bernards last blog post..Teacher ‘wanted to be boy’s sex slave’
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:59 am
Monsters belonging to category 7 and 8 should be SOS. (Shot on Sight)
chaosdingos last blog post..Paula Abdul wants to Dance Like There Is No Tomorrow.
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:33 am
Totally agree with all of these, especially #6. Every time I see someone do that, I’m tempted to go excuse me, the pole is not meant for leaning. But my “Singaporean kiasi-ness” always stops me.
I’ve only had brief brushes with rush hour (thank goodness I’m still a student… for two more years at least) but it’s enough to be one of the reasons why I really really do not want a 9-to-5 job in future.
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:57 pm
it’s sad to say that we Singaporeans can be quite… erm… hell what is the word…
uncivilised when it comes to taking public transport? -_-
it’s no surprise we love private transport… ahhh, aren’t we spoilt…
niks last blog post..Studying…
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:01 pm
lets agree on 1 thing.
somebodys not doing thier job.
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 pm
[...] MRT Rules Jump to Comments I love this. [...]
June 4th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Ocassionally there’ll be times I have to take mrt if my husband’s not fetching me… And yeah I get irritated with the crowd and the people whom you stated above. Still remembered I was so pissed that when I alighted the train with massive human trying to enter too, I just hold my bag with elbows pointing outwards. Hmph! Hope they feel some pain as they knocked unto me! Muahahahahahaa~
June 4th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
i’m surprised that theres no mention of body odor anywhere in this list. i’d ask them to please be considerate of those who look after their hygiene.
June 5th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Nowadays when I want to go up the escalator and see people standing on both sides, I just bash through them.
There’s no point being polite to inconsiderate people.
June 5th, 2008 at 1:06 am
Bernard> Oh I had my share of lousy bus rides during peak hours as well. KK! Maybe next time!
Chaosdingo> No prizes for guessing which kind you encounter the most on train rides…
eidetical> Treasure your student years! And I also suffer from “kia-si-ness”. The most I will do is to forcefully grab the pole while trying to jab his/her flesh is they lean back
nik> Actually, even the roads are not spared from uncivilized drivers.
max> LOL. WHO? Minster for Transportation?
Ting> NURSE LIKE TT ONE AH? g00t job!
gruntled> Good point! Tts why my lists arn’t always comprehensive.
Someone> Wah! Fierce! I would suggest a warning of “Excuse ME!” first thought.
June 6th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Bloody fantastic read!! This should be pasted on every single MRT cabin for people to read! Actually, make it every MRT door!
June 6th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Give it another year, chances are you will get used to it.
Or you can contemplate getting a car and start suggesting rules on how to be a good motorist.
Shu Yens last blog post..My Dive Trip – Pulau Dayang Day 2
June 6th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
dancing caveman> THanks! I’ll see if SMRT picks this up. wahahaha
Shu Yen> kormmandos! Nice of you to visit! I’ll need to get my license 1st. LOL
June 12th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
omg.. its so true.. lucky i’ve completed my poly.. no more squeezing the pathetic ‘small’ train during rush hours now.. wahaha..
and ur blog rocks..
June 13th, 2008 at 12:52 am
*CaS*> You soon have to join the workforce don’t you? THen I’ll have to welcome you back to our fabulous MRT!
Thanks for the compliments!
August 29th, 2008 at 8:21 am
alot people are just rude…they show no respect
April 7th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
oh my god! nice one!
an old lady scold me coz i drink mineral water in the mrt
April 8th, 2009 at 10:18 am
@karena> The old lady is technically correct. Haha.